Marcial's entry inspired me. But this is the exact opposite. *sigh.
I'm back. And my homework is sitting in front of me, a blank sheet of paper with only my name and the question to be answered written on it. The song "Torpedo" is playing on my iPod, and it is on repeat. My eyes are sore and my stomach is acting funny. And I feel, well, not happy. WHAT'S WRONG? I don't know. :[ I guess I'm lazy. Cure? Write. :[
And I've been sick for almost four days now. I've been taking medicine for my sore eyes (or swollen eyes. Whatever this is.) and some medicine for my cold. And they don't seem to be effective. But I've observed that people make better medicine than these little tablets and syrups that they force me to take. People bring laughter and joy and tears to my eyes whenever I'm sad or happy or sick or whatever I am.
What else is this medicine but my wonderful friends? Be it in the classroom, or in ballet, or here at home, my friends never fail to bring a smile to my face every single day. Through the four years that (most) of us have been together for, they have always proven themselves to be special people in my life, people I will never (NEVER) forget. And since graduation is drawing closer, I am trying to imagine life without them.. my friends, my companions, chums, schoolmates. But I can't imagine. It seems that life would be empty without them? Yes, it would.
But this entry is not about my friends.. it's about the medicine I need. The medicine that is not present, because of some certain reason. I believe that when I have gotten this medicine, I will truly have recovered. Because although I may look happy on the outside, laughing and teasing as usual, that's all just an act. I don't really like feeling sad and depressed in front of my friends, especially just because of this. I just feel incomplete because something disappeared. And I doubt that it will never come back. A friendship that I blew because of some stupid reason.
I don't think I've ever written about this. Although I can't write it in full detail, most of you know this story.
One fine day, (and I remember that day so clearly) I was with a good friend, and we were "doing" our Math homework. She suddenly blurted out that she knew something that I should know. (And yes, I cannot mention that here.) She made me guess the answer for so long, that we ended up neglecting our homework and parting ways at 7pm. And I was still stumped at that time.
The next day my friend made me guess even more. The night before, I had already started feeling down. Because I had thought of the answer. Which turned out to be wrong. So my friend told me the answer, and it came to me as a shock. A big shock. She told me something else after I learned the answer. I felt happy and weird at the same time.. because I didn't know what was coming next.
It turns out that a river was coming next.. a river of lies. The answer that I knew turned out to be a lie. And everything that I knew turned out to be big white lies. This day is clear in my mind: July Seven, Two Thousand and Seven. My supposedly LUCKY day. Apparently, the opposite happened.
You still following me?
Two days later came July 9. Something else happened, and because of someone's singing, the situation worsened. Yeah. A friend suddenly disappeared and in its place came a big ROCK. (Yeah, that's weird. LOL)
July 10 was my birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY? Nope. Although some good things came out of it, something hit me hard. The lies were coming back. (Not to mention that I was sick?)
And since then, nothing has seemed right anymore. Why? I don't know. I'm missing something that has been part of my life for three years. A friendship which ended, or was blocked by some other thing unneeded. It doesn't seem right for this to end like this.
Yea. EMO much? :P But seriously, this is the medicine I need. The medicine which I think I will never get. And it's all my fault. It's going to be this way till the end of the year.
MOOD: down, down, down.
Back to work. *sigh.
